You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?
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AnonymousMurphy's Laws (as posted in Arizona Humor) Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think Murphy's Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway. Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
(*i have no idea who this murphy guy is,but i find he knew what he was talking about.however ridiclous it seemed at the time)
As punishment for my contempt for authority, Fate has made me an authority myself
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AnonymousA funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. - (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Night Live
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Jack HandeyIs being an idiot like being high all the time?
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Janeane Garofalo(*im not sure if this is BAD,or funny)
Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
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JargerAfter twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, No hablo ingles.
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Ronnie ShakesI think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)
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Jack Handy-jaye