dear diary,

I keep hearing(or reading)about ppl who address their diarys to someone. those people are usually a best/close friend or someone they were close to someone who they dont ever see or its someone they made up entirely. You'd have to(in my opion)be pretty close to someone to address your diary to them.(no duh,right?)Ocassionaly people will write letters to ppl that they never had any intention of mailing,like an angry rant railing at the person,or even a love letter. i read a manga novel where the main character had been pawned off on her grandmother by her mother.shehad two foster brothers who lived with her a well.she was closer to one in praticular and when her mom came back and took her away she would write him letters.eventually he stopped writing back(long story why)and she eventually stopped writing letters that never were answered.or rather,she stopped sending them.she'd keep writing them,but she'd keep them in a notebook and they were never sent out to her brother.sad,huh?dont worry,its shojo,itll have a happy ending :P :)
i've wrote a few angry letters i had no intention of mailing to people,i think i distroyed those.its kinda funny to come across them years later.of course you feel dumb,but its funny. i dont know if other people do this but my current(well..one of them)diary is just poem type dealies,they still tell about my day a little,but mostly their limited to emotion type things. i leave it lying around my room cause i avoided enough specifics and other 'incriminateing' things to the point where i dont really care if people read it.they may read it but they have yet to understand it. and then theirs ye ol' traditional write about my life/day type diary.u know about those thou i assume.
some people vblog or blog their diary too.

uhh...this isn't my diary,FYI.:)sorry


or even drawings can be part of a diary,like those kind that everything symbolizes something?(minds blank)
i guess a diary is really just anything you do to express yourself.it doesnt always have to be private.


jazz concert mannaw.
prayers r defintily appreciated.
ALOT

-jaye

meaningless

If im not answering your guys emails or anything,its proably cause your emailing me at:ragtagheros@sio.midco.net.try emailing me at:dontwannalosemysoul@yahoo.com.


My littlest sister finally got her own room.now all us kids have our own room,wich is great cause i love my sisters,but we still fight.
it's aturday!YEAH!im going to be happy when its summer,kinda sick of school.

-jaye

last words and pink unicorns

You now how i was freaking out about the test today?turns out its next week.:(
AND to add insult to injury,it's my fault i was freaking out.*rollseyes*

thanks courtney for showing me how to play the timpani by the way.ur the best.

Eleventyseven is an awesome boy band,their mascot is a pink unicorn,how can you not like someone who's mascot is a pink unicorn?their songs are pop punk.check em out---->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT0xNyzIbcU
well i dont have anything else to say.so...have fun.drop me a line if you need prayer or wanna talk or w/e,k?


-jaye

headstrong

Two of the ppls on the channels i watch all the time are getting real and spitting in the face of the ol' staus qoute. kinda refreshing actually.i need to stop putting smiley faces on everything,im starting to fine them popping up everywhere on my writing. i can imagine me writing some BIG end of the semester big points term paper about some serious subject(none comes to mind)only to put a big fat smiley face on the end and getting docked points.and even worse,not realizing i did it. [it's one thing if you KNOW it's there cause you PUT it there.but if you didnt really think about it,you just did it without thinkning...that would seriously stink.but what good is a letter someone slapped on you?it isn't.im sorry,it doesn't mean much in the end:/]
speaking a lot to due over nothing,there's this bif scary blood dripping fanged test in music class. have i study?not sufficently. am i scared.yeah. when is it?oh,you know...
tomorrow.
on the flip side it's not like i've passed most of the scales test this year.
im trying really hard not to flip out and start ranting.
but you know what,i've talked to God and basically what He had to say(summarized and re-phrased,you were warned). the rich man and the poor man die the same way.in the end,men (and girls.) are men,we die the same. if you held a gun up to my head(please DONT.that would get messy and its a little frowned apoun by the law) and a gun up to mozart's head,we die the same way.in the end their is no difference between me and mozart.we're just flesh,we both fall victim to the same things and we both die...without being graded on it might i add.
in the end,the only thing thats gonna matter or count for anything is if we knew God and what we did with that knowledge. we're going to be judged the same way and it's not going to matter whether i dropped out or if i had all a's and was a mini einstien.


band clas....HOW DO I KEEP MANAGING TO GET MYSELF INTO THESE SITUATIONS???????????????!!
no.i know how,i didnt ask God about it,i just kinda clapped my hands over my ears spiritually and signed myself up.
kinda like 23 faith(remeber that band me n my buds had way back when?it was years ago but w/e not the point),i just rushed head first into the fire. and now im paying for it. *grits teeth*im REAlly paying for it.my word. what's wrong w/me?AGHHHH.

w/e.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVO_acxSCKg
God bless you all!:)




-jaaaYE

insainty is simply defined as continueing to do something that does not work.
aren't we all insaine then?

'better than drugs'-skillet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcAInOrk_JA

strep throat germ cookies and other fun ways to die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s50cw-anEw (<---music-john rueben 'i have no opion')


a list of three youtube channels to check out

1. five awesome guys
2. five awesome girls
3. xnatko

pplwill put anything on youtube.its pretty sad...

a moment of silence for those poor ppl.

.........................................................................................

OH!you know what i've noticed?(thanks to utube.)

i swear,(no thats not it.i dont.its just an expression)if you have a british accent,you could proably tell me anything.ANYTHING.you could tell me im adopted and i would proably believe you.i don't know why!its like some weird thing in my brain that makes me automatically want to believe what you said!.

and now i will stop wasteing your time and go get dressed in something other than my PJ's.and shower...ill defintiyl shower.*makes face*and i clean my room...ok ok!im going.byez:)

-jaye

looking deadish and things ppl say about me:)

when i walked into my art class today,their was a drawing on the board,two actually. one was of a bunny (cartoony style) with really cute ears and eyes.....and ginormous bloody fangs with a dead baby baby chick in its mouth...
it was kinda disturbing....but well done(as far as drawing and idea goes)so i was stareing at it when we we're in the room and getting weirded out by its disturbing ness.the second was of a girl looking cold and tired and deadish and stareing blankly straight ahead looking quite expressionlessly.kinda creepy cause she looked so dead...(>_<)
it was my self portrait from last year.(its technically last year now)people know its me when they look at it,but i think i look deadish if not dead in that picture.i wonder if thats what im going to look like when i die.
((O_O))
where did that come from????moveing on.

a funny vblog clip.(not mine as you can tell:))
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RNlKKqexEjg

a list!(cause i can)

funny things ppl have said about me

1. no, i like ppl who jump out of dark corners and scare ppl they dont know.
2. she answers everything in one word answers.its always,yup,nope,or IDK.
3. (talking to me)JAYE!(turns to girl screaming)well i see you've met my friend jaye.
4. when i first met you i thought you were weird.(my best friend said that)
5. the first thing you ever said to me was"uhhhh...hi?"

thats all off the top of my head.bye for now:)

-jaye

matt 19:26
awesome verse.read it:)

yeah i should write a post.ummm....lemme think what do i want everyone i know and then some to be able to read if they want o...........O_O uhhhhhhhhhhhhh......


school was ok today. we had career day and that was really lame. im not expecting to live out the day,much less live long enough to actually have a 'career'. and you know what?what im gonna be in when i grow up isnt my problem.(i know i sound like a brat) but it something i had to give up to God,and m not worried about it. so ill b what ill b if i live that long.

trying to stay outside my shell

Luke 6:30
Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.

this was the verse on my facebook page today. It came at the right time.:)
anyways,
have you ever been expecting something bad will happen? not like wanting it too,but just this nagging feeling that it will happen,ever felt that? its almost a relief when it does happen though,in he sense their's an end to the anticiapation. then youre sad,but youre constantly liveing under the gun,waiting for bullet.its alreay happened. its kinda confuseing though cause then youre not sure if youre happy or sad it happened.
i wish my monsters were ssomething i could pychially hurt so theyd leave me alone. fist fighting is what helped screwed me up in the first place though.(before i was saved i mean)on a much less depressing note-i made a chocolate cake today.:) its kinda (ok ok,IT IS)disfunctional looking.im sure my om either made or will make a post on her blog makeing fun of my cake hahah


pray for one of my friends(all of them,actually,just im thinking of someone in particular)its hard waiting for them to grow up spiritually.

im getting on my blogs and updateing everything. sorry ive been..idk where ive been.w/e im updateing my bebo now.so idk

apparently,wearing my moms hoodie makes me look gangster????

beeen neglecting this blog lately. sorry.:( been on facebook.no excuse i know im sorry.
today was ok. something interesting happened....i think...OH YEAH!actually it wasnt all that interesting. i just thought we were haveing band concert this morning,WAY early this morning.so i dragged myself out of bed super early and ended up sitting around and wasteing my time because,i guess i wasnt listening when our eacher told u when we b meeting.cause we didnt have band practice AT ALL.not too happy about getting up early to sit around,but ya know. w/e
ppl post the weirdest things on youtube,eating a cinnamon bun,eating play dough,talking about w/e.....looks like fun,but if i made a video blog....WHAT WOULD I SAY?????i cant even think of anything worth reading to write in here half the time.*rollseyes*
its kinda fun listening to their accents though..dood,i totally stink at this..you should do one.IDK y.cause you can,hey,maybe youd b totally good at it.IDK

sabrina 153 get ngo drop out now and watch it grow

How is it
that i've known you since i was seven
You know about my past
You know all my secrets
we were best friends
and im sitting right next to you
and i dont know you anymore


your not

the person ive cried with
the person ive laughed and screamed at
the person ive grown up with
the person who shares all the memories and secrets



I dont
want you to be like this
to go down in flames like this
to walk away from God like this
to forget my name
to not know me at all
want you to leave



whats it going to take
for you to walk back to God
for you to be my best friend again
for you to leave all that behind
for you to run towardsthe light again
for you to learn to live by loseing your life


you sold me out for a bottle of vodka,do you even know that?do you even care?do you regret it?

Jesus,teach me to forgive and forget.

can you feel your heartbeat raceing,can you taste the fear in her sweat?-underoath

im watching these videos of these kids on youtube,not just random(ok actually i take that back,its kinda random.)but yeah they have bands or r just singing....theyre pretty okish if you ask me.not amazingbut not have bad actually.IDKvery few people are actually good (likeGOOD GOOD)at screaming though.



dont ever lean way over the mic and headbang while screaming,kinda looks like suerte trying to puke up on my carpet.so u know...
...its kinda funny to see people waering random things on their heads like...a wrestling helemt i think that is...*shrugs* dont ask me i didnt make the video or coordnaite his outfit.:)c ya

my name

He has my name,my real name.